Blog

April 25, 2025
At some point, the therapy world became uncomfortable talking about feelings. We were shamed out of it—mocked by pop culture, misrepresented by media, and misunderstood by a public that equated emotional work with being “soft” or overly simplistic. As a result, many therapists have pivoted toward problem-solving, cognitive techniques, or behavioral plans, often at the expense of emotions themselves. This shift has cost us dearly. It’s not always crucial to understand why we feel something—but it’s essential that we feel it. Trying to bypass emotions in favor of logic is like trying to walk with a thorn stuck in your foot. The more you ignore it, the more the pain screams for your attention. Likewise, emotions don’t go away when you ignore them; they just fester. Before we can problem-solve or make lasting change, we have to honor what we feel. Emotions don’t require justification. They just need acknowledgment. They are signals—not flaws. In my opinion, the field began drifting from emotional work partly because of how therapy was portrayed in media. The trope of the therapist robotically asking, “And how does that make you feel?” became an easy punchline. Unfortunately, that stereotype left many therapists afraid of seeming cliché, so they turned away from emotional inquiry altogether. Ironically, I rarely ask clients, “How does that make you feel?” Instead, I might ask: “What do you feel when you recall that moment?” “What does it feel like to be in your shoes?” “Can you sit with that feeling for a moment and notice what comes up?” That nuance matters. Saying something “made me feel” a certain way implies the emotion was caused or imposed, as though feelings need permission to exist. But they don’t. They arise naturally—and honoring them helps us connect, both to ourselves and to others. Empathy, insight, and real healing begin there. It’s time to return to what therapy does best: helping people feel, not just think. Because real transformation doesn’t come from avoiding feelings—it comes from feeling them fully and safely.